Monday, November 9, 2009

15 Things I Learned to Expect from the Business Side of the Surfing Market

15. Being called “bra” a lot even though they probably call you a “kook” behind your back.

14. At a restaurant if you can’t surf better, fight better or beg better, you are picking up the bill.

13. Communication skills that resemble a cross between a child, a stoner and someone with Tourette’s syndrome.

12. Something is considered eco-friendly if uses the word “green” on the packaging and features a drawing of something in nature, like a leaf, the color brown, or a tire.

11. Politics in the industry are similar to that of Washington D.C., but instead of buttons that say “Vote YES to The Rhetoric Bill of 2010”, they are stickers that say “Buy my brand so I can surf and you can pay my pimp".

10. Everyone is a surf phenomenon just on the verge of “blowing up”- all they need is like “$500 bucks a month or you, know like $200 bucks or maybe just a free set of shades or a t-shirt or a hat or whatever bra, ya know?"

9. Everyone has a nickname, and many don’t know themselves as anything but that.

8. If their best friend is riding for your competition you are only a sponsorship check away from them verbally abusing that best friend behind their back.

7. Phone calls from their end many times involve some form of manipulation, unfounded excitement and random lapses in speech patterns followed by coughing.

6. Random acts of erratic, sometimes violent behavior where the word “bra” is used along with lots of posturing, and yelling.

5. Large hotel room bills due to heavy damage and/or marijuana fines in some form.

4. Every surfer in the industry is a photographer, a filmmaker, a graphic artist, a sales rep, a pro surfer, or a self-proclaimed brand. They are all the best at their particular trade and, yes, being a “self-proclaimed brand” is something you can be the best at.

3. If you aren’t selling drugs to pay the bills, your competition is.

2. It is an industry where all you need to create a brand is a printing press, a computer and 10 friends that can’t afford a printing press or a computer, but can afford the free t-shirt you give them to promote your “brand”.

1. Always remember that surfing is a lifestyle of surfing, getting laid, smoking pot, promoting, drinking, talking shit, surfing and waking up when you are 40 wondering what happened to the sponsorship you were supposed to get paid on- after all, you fucking made that brand because you rip, bra!

No comments:

Post a Comment