Wednesday, November 11, 2009

11 Things I Wish on 11/11 at 11:11

11. I wish companies would spend more money on R & D and less on marketing the illusion of it.

10. I wish people would live a reality life, not watch it.

9. I wish advertisers feared content and not the other way around.

8. I wish parents would view teachers as educators, not as scapegoats for their own negligent parenting.

7. I wish the government wasn’t saturated by lawyers- it’s like inmates amending the rules of the prison.

6. I wish the world would realize that global warming is not the issue, but rather pursuing renewable energy sources for the future is and only in that pursuit will we be able to not only reduce global warming, but have enough energy to survive as a growing society.

5. I wish people would stop hating each other and instead hate what they’ve become.

4. I wish US citizens would realize that although the news media attempts to be objective, we can only truly understand a story from first-hand experience making ignorance inevitable so instead of fearing it we should instead embrace other sources of enlightenment besides the news media. Our elders would be a good place to start.

3. I wish to argue that if “Freedom is not Free”, “Greed is Good” and “Crime deserves Punishment”, we will always be free to afford a silk hat and put it on our pig without ever being punished for it.

2. I wish that modern religion would better seek compassion and lose the intolerance it condones.

1. I wish I was free of the hypocrisy that this list unavoidably exposes.

Monday, November 9, 2009

15 Things I Learned to Expect from the Business Side of the Surfing Market

15. Being called “bra” a lot even though they probably call you a “kook” behind your back.

14. At a restaurant if you can’t surf better, fight better or beg better, you are picking up the bill.

13. Communication skills that resemble a cross between a child, a stoner and someone with Tourette’s syndrome.

12. Something is considered eco-friendly if uses the word “green” on the packaging and features a drawing of something in nature, like a leaf, the color brown, or a tire.

11. Politics in the industry are similar to that of Washington D.C., but instead of buttons that say “Vote YES to The Rhetoric Bill of 2010”, they are stickers that say “Buy my brand so I can surf and you can pay my pimp".

10. Everyone is a surf phenomenon just on the verge of “blowing up”- all they need is like “$500 bucks a month or you, know like $200 bucks or maybe just a free set of shades or a t-shirt or a hat or whatever bra, ya know?"

9. Everyone has a nickname, and many don’t know themselves as anything but that.

8. If their best friend is riding for your competition you are only a sponsorship check away from them verbally abusing that best friend behind their back.

7. Phone calls from their end many times involve some form of manipulation, unfounded excitement and random lapses in speech patterns followed by coughing.

6. Random acts of erratic, sometimes violent behavior where the word “bra” is used along with lots of posturing, and yelling.

5. Large hotel room bills due to heavy damage and/or marijuana fines in some form.

4. Every surfer in the industry is a photographer, a filmmaker, a graphic artist, a sales rep, a pro surfer, or a self-proclaimed brand. They are all the best at their particular trade and, yes, being a “self-proclaimed brand” is something you can be the best at.

3. If you aren’t selling drugs to pay the bills, your competition is.

2. It is an industry where all you need to create a brand is a printing press, a computer and 10 friends that can’t afford a printing press or a computer, but can afford the free t-shirt you give them to promote your “brand”.

1. Always remember that surfing is a lifestyle of surfing, getting laid, smoking pot, promoting, drinking, talking shit, surfing and waking up when you are 40 wondering what happened to the sponsorship you were supposed to get paid on- after all, you fucking made that brand because you rip, bra!