Wednesday, July 8, 2009

15 things to expect at a Jonas Brothers concert on their 2009 World Tour

1. 90% of the crowd will be girls with an average age of 13. The other 10% will be Mom's, Dad's and pedophiles.

2. The genuine sense that these girls would join the Taliban if the Jonas Brothers told them to.

3. Screams so magnificent they would make the entire armed forces embrace ear muffs as standard issue equipment for fear of permanent spacial disorientation.

4. A trampoline in the middle of the stage that the Jonas brothers will bounce on while dazzling the stage with multicolored lights and fueling the chant of a ravenous bunch of prepubescent teens.

5. Cameras flashing so steadily and consistently that it makes the paparazzi look like children fumbling with Fisher Price Cameras.

6. The testosterone filled roar of a sports stadium will now be pale in comparison to the maniacal shrieking that occurs when a song has ended and a new song begins

7. Sweat dripping off your face for no apparent reason at all.

8. A chance to cool off when two of the Jonas brothers sweep the audience on a crane while spraying hoses to dowse the frenzied crowd.

9. The Jonas Brothers making it rain on stage- the rain will form the shape of hearts and the letters: L.O.V.E, literally.

10. A sense that you might seize at any given moment

11. Nick Jonas playing a shiny white piano that simultaneously spins while he sings about his battle with diabetes and tells the audience that they are his inspiration for fighting this disease.

12. Recurring nightmares of being trampled by Sketchers, glitter and pigtails.

13. Wondering if a Jonas Brothers concert is what a schizophrenic person might feel like after taking LSD and walking into a Hansen concert

14. Realizing that you may never again see this kind of crowd so dizzy with innocent excitement

15. A warped and twisted, yet quite exciting time