The New Book of Abraham

Book of Abraham

You see, there was this guy Abraham, who lived in a not-so-easy world where people had to try extra pretty hard to survive. But Abraham was no slouch, he was tough as nails and raised a son. However, at some point during his son’s life, Abraham was clearly having some major trauma, enough to make him feel as though he may need to kill his son. Why would he think of doing such a horrible thing? Perhaps it was because he and his son had gone a month without food and he was starving, (kind of the like the Donner party, but in a warmer climate). Or maybe he was psychologically disturbed, because his wife ran away with another man and his therapist was on vacation that week. Or maybe, Abraham was just in a rage at his son for too much back talk and couldn’t handle the insubordination anymore. Who knows, but luckily, when his conscience popped up and he decided it was a terrible thing to kill his kid, he was smart enough to become not only self-aware, but self-criticize his own maniacal judgment…. to the point of turning a traumatic psychological experience into a God that forgave him (ie he forgave himself). Could it be that Abraham was projecting his own self-loathing onto his son, repressed it and then went through a delusional narcissistic panic attack and subconsciously projected himself as a God and actually believed it? In the end, Abraham what actually feared was himself after this experience, but told everyone it was God that challenged him.

But here comes Moses, a wiser older man and says, “I like this guy Abraham’s story” and he then went for a really long walk by himself in the desert to think more about it. Moses naturally became dehydrated during this walk (as he usually did when going for long walks in the desert) and then saw a mirage; not of a palm tree or waterfalls, however, but instead he saw some desert shrubs on fire. It must have been really hot that day, because the shrub started talking to him, even though Moses was likely just speaking his mind to himself and wisely reflecting on Abraham’s “God story .”
Moses loved the thought of one God during his monologue to the burning shrub, he proclaimed to himself, “This is way better than what the Greeks and Egyptians came up with, YES- this is it!” Moses then decided to boldly one-up Abraham by going and telling everyone that he actually spoke to God (an anonymous witness would later tell reporters that he actually spotted Moses talking to himself in front of a cactus, but that witness and the reporter were killed quickly by a mob of God’s followers not long after speaking up). Moses did this when highly altruistic intentions because Moses was wise and had lived a long life having witnessed how deranged humans can act and treat each other. I mean Abraham was probably starving when he almost killed his son and maybe wanted to eat him, or hated him because he was young and strong, or….who knows, we’ve already gone over this, the fact is, people were quite less civilized back then.
Anyway, Moses saw Abraham’s story as a genius opportunity to put out his moral code; the code he created on his 10 fingers, because, well he had 10 of them. These 10 things were rules people should live by if they want to preserve their species. I mean, it is hard to argue with the decency of these rules and given Moses’ clear level of intellect and life-long experiences surviving the hells of bible times, he was a perfect man for the job. He was chosen by himself because he had an idea in his biological brain.
Moses, was like the village grandpa who adopted the world as his benevolent experiment for human decency amongst a species that was getting further and further away from their chimpanzee roots. After all, not many other animal species kill their own as often as humans do/did and Moses knew that if we did not have a Lion to fear, we would always think we were kings and feel the need to kill each other.
Book of Modern World
Fast forward ahead to 2011. Now, at a time where we have no rational reason to kill one another, we continue to hone our skills of weapon mastery and mass killing. We call it defense, “they” call it Holy War, we proclaim to be fighting for Democracy, “they” argue democracy is tainted by the very nature of capitalism. The ongoing war of the past 2 Millenniums is evidence that God is alive in war and dead in peace. Abraham created God out thoughts of murdering his own kin, Moses tried his best with the Bible of Rights to keep man moral. Christianity was left to run wild in the New World and in doing so it created a place where the best killing machines are engineered, divorce rates are out of control, STDs run rampant, thieves are born every day, envy is the name of a night club that excludes those who can't afford it and you may only covet the neighbors wife if you earn enough to keep up with the Jones family because “By God, good neighbor, my wife is hot, ain’t she! I don’t blame ya for wantin to fuck’er, I’d like to fuck yers’ too! See you at church on Sunday.”

The best liars make the most money and the worst liars make the most friends. If Moses' 10 commandment scheme came from God, humans would have succeeded at following it in the New World they didn't. Instead they chose to disobey God's word, the moment they found the non-Christian Native Americans had material resources for the imperial Spanish Eurasian educated elite. Sacrifice a ram? What god in their right mind would ask humans to destroy his own creatures the way we foolishly continue to do like intelligent parasites outsmarting ourselves all the way to the end of the planet as we know it. We, the human species alone can save ourselves; the same way we created God as someone to turn to when we've let ourselves down in past hard times of human suffering. Moses was our brother, an ancestor of ours with a high-functioning brain, and he didn't need a burning bush to tell him or us that it is in the best interest of the human species to treat each other right so that others may treat us right, and we all live to see another day and learn of a better way. Jesus Christ was a greater man than most, but no less human than anyone else.

Over 2000 years ago a best seller was published for the first time and it is one of the greatest moral stories ever written. But that is where it ends. If you are one of the people who feel they need the Bible as a guide to understand that treating others decently is the right thing to do, instead of just knowing it and trying your best to do it, then you have a sick problem in your brain. Unfortunately many have this problem, and it is especially apparent with Evangelicals, which is the favorite religion amongst those that have fucked up their life and want to escape from their own self-loathing, guilt and shame. But instead of going to therapy, asking for friends and family for forgiveness, changing their ways, accepting their mistakes and moving on, they join a cult. The Evangelical cult stands on the sidelines waiting to prey on those most vulnerable with similar histories as they, and then they seek to instill it into their children or others. The Evangelical ideal is spawned from foolish victims of an American dream that they choked on while trying to swallow it whole.

Don’t fear god, but rather the human race and our continued effort to buy our way into a false heaven while creating hell on Earth. Only when humans see each other as “gods”, will we stop allowing “god” to herd us like sheep and slaughter each other like swine.